I am a Southern Belle. Yes, it’s true. I was born in West Virginia on a cold December day. I’d already been promised to someone but I didn’t know that at the time and wasn’t to meet them until two months later.
My early days in West Virginia were less than memorable. My Mother suckled me, licked me clean and made sure I became healthy and strong. She protected me from my more rambunctious brothers and sisters. Even at that tender young age, I was different”_. special. Everyone could see it and everyone said so. Mama said it was a good thing that I wasn’t privy to all the fuss, otherwise, it might have made me full of myself, conceited and well, difficult later in life.
My Daddy really wanted me. One day I heard Mama Kenna, my human Grandmaw, on the phone with a man. He had a strange northern accent and was very excited. I was only a week old when he first called. When I first opened my eyes, she took my picture and sent it off to him. Daddy says it was love at first sight and calls that photo the “ransom” photo. He sent a check that very day and my destiny was proclaimed. I was to become a “Yankee”.
Daddy was and still is, quite demanding. Every week, while the others rested or played, I was pulled away for a yet another photo shoot. I don’t know why Daddy needed all those photos of me but heck, it prepared me for my future role as the star mascot of Daddy’s multimedia empire.
So, Mama Kenna sent Daddy picture after picture and the plans were made for my departure from the only home I had ever known. Daddy was coming to Washington, DC to get me and carry me off to Connecticut. Having been raised in the bosom of gently rolling hills among the steel magnolias, I prepared myself emotionally. Mama reminded me of the indignities we suffered during the War of Northern Aggression and to mind my manners and to live up to the high standard of Southern gentility into which I had been born.
I was small. Really small. Mama says it’s better to say delicate than small. So, I was delicate. Mama Kenna put me in the car for the trip to DC. I had never been out of the house, much less the state. I had no idea it would be the last time I would ever see her. What an adventure that day was? I got to see all kinds of things, people, and places. Daddy and Mama Kenna had pre-arranged the meeting that would change my life.
I took one look at my new Daddy and decided I was having no part of this. He tried and tried to kiss me but I kept turning my head away. I was scared. Handsome and dashing as he was, I was reticent and demure just like I had been taught. After a few minutes, his sincere desire to get to know me won me over and I caved. He had been waiting two months to meet me and he was overjoyed. Daddy pulled out the first of many presents, a satin ribbon the most beautiful color violet. That was to be my name.
So began my journey north. I arrived in Westport, CT late that evening. Daddy was totally prepared for me. Every one of my needs and desires was anticipated. He was good. Really good! He even let me sleep in his bed that very night. Little did I know I would begin my first day in CT by working as soon as I woke up”_.right in bed. Lord have mercy, the lights, the cameras, the people. Truth be told, I had to pee. So I sat up and licked Daddy right on the face. He knew what I was trying to tell him. From that day forward, I have never slept anywhere else. I was a good girl and Daddy was proud.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and we celebrated my first birthday last December. There have been many milestones, particularly when I met the rest of my family. They look after me when Daddy goes away and I can count on them to love me and spoil me a little when he’s not around. I am a very lucky girl.
Daddy documented my first-year ad nauseum. Every week he would send out another picture of me with the caption stating the number of weeks I had been alive. I had landed on Mar’s all right. Good thing my brief but proper Southern upbringing assured my steadfast resilience and ability to cope because Venus is booked and Pluto is too far. I’m quite sure Mar’s is the place for me.
My education is superior to most and I am quite comfortable in all social situations. I like to travel, eat well and take the utmost care with my attire but I must confess, I do have an innate desire to sniff some good poop now and again. Oh, fiddle de dee and la di da. Violet will think about that tomorrow!
The good news is that my agent has arranged for me to write about my life and share my experiences with my devoted fans. I seem to have accumulated quite a following in my short life. Aw shucks, what can I say? I’m a Southern belle with a pedigree and a dream.
Even with all the attention devoted to my good behavior and lifestyle, I like it best on those intimate, private nights when I can lay back in my Daddy’s arms and have my belly rubbed. My life is good. Miss Violet Annabelle Rose Von Schnorkenheimer is here to stay, welcoming people from far away. So if you visit, please be neat and wipe the poop from beneath your feet.